fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
