Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
