Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
