I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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