At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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