and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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