That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
