No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
