"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
