Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
