Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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