THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
