I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
