That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
