You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
