omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
