Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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