shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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