JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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