got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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