He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
