Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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