I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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