no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
