you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
