Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
