Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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