Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
