She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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