WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
