Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
