I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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