does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
