I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
