I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
