you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
