My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
