there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
