I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
