That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
