no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
