if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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