Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
