I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
