is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
