Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
