He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
