How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
