i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
