So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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