I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
