jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
