Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
